雅思大作文賞析-無償社區(qū)服務(wù)是否應(yīng)該成為高中必修項(xiàng)目

雅思大作文考察中，同意或不同意(To what extent do you agree or disagree?)，是每年考試的重點(diǎn)出題類型。而教育類話題又是最�？嫉脑掝}類型之一，今天我們一起來賞析一篇學(xué)生習(xí)作，題目如下：

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programs (for example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children) . To what extent do you agree or disagree?

無償社區(qū)服務(wù)應(yīng)該成為高中的必修項(xiàng)目，你同意還是不同意?

Recent decades have witnessed an obvious trend that a compulsory part of high school programs should be added to the unpaid community service(1). But there is a great deal of controversy about whether social service(2) should be made a compulsory subject. It is undeniable that students do many community service proper more beneficial to their study(3). So, I agree to add community service to the high school curriculum.

(1)首先這一段結(jié)構(gòu)完整，有合理的背景信息和觀點(diǎn)表達(dá)，但是語言表達(dá)方面卻有較多的問題。第一個劃線句子 A should be added to B，A和B的順序完全寫反了，正確的邏輯關(guān)系應(yīng)該是unpaid community service should be added into the high school programs as a compulsory part.

(2)要學(xué)會合理使用指代詞，上句主語community service在這句中再次出現(xiàn)，可用it代指，避免重復(fù);compulsory形容詞可使用同義替換詞essential/obligatory etc。

(3)句子語法出現(xiàn)大錯誤，句子的主謂賓應(yīng)該是做社區(qū)服務(wù)是有益的，所以應(yīng)改為doing community service properly is more beneficial to their study.>>>點(diǎn)擊了解雅思大作文寫作方法

According to a research, students will learn more efficiently when they relax properly and relieve stress. Because of the variety and difficulty of high school lesson, the learning pressure of high school students is enormous. I personally believe that great pressure exert an adverse impact on learning, and this is unfavourable for students to focus on lessons. So, teenagers could do some service to improve their grade.

劃線句子以so引出本段結(jié)論句，但是句意卻和前文沒有直接的因果關(guān)系。前文主體說的是學(xué)習(xí)壓力大，那么結(jié)論應(yīng)該是做社區(qū)服務(wù)可以放松心情，減緩壓力。前文并未提及對學(xué)習(xí)的幫助，所以不能得出提高學(xué)習(xí)成績的結(jié)論。務(wù)必注意段落的邏輯銜接。

Allowing students to do some community service for a charity and neighbors will also promote the improvement of students’ moral character and help students have better values. Additionally, students will feel fulfilled and happy when they help others. Make a gift of rose, hand stay lingering fragrance. Therefore, community service, to some extent, render students virtuous in helping others.

If students are allowed to carry out community service, it can relieve the social pressure and bring a lot of social attention to service. It is generally acknowledged that labor is an indispensable part of unpaid service. But, the problem of labor shortage is widespread in contemporary society, and a few people are willing to do community service and pay attention to it. Consequently, it will relieve the social pressure and bring a lot of social attention to the community service if energetic young high school students do a great job for community service.

To conclude, community service is a good program for high school students. I personally believe that these program exert an advantageous impact on students’ mental health and grade.

Exert ：V-T If someone or something exerts influence, authority, or pressure, they use it in a strong or determined way, especially in order to produce a particular effect. 施加 (影響、壓力); 運(yùn)用 (權(quán)威)，要注意詞匯的準(zhǔn)確搭配。

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